Tough Decisions

When considering adoption there are many tough decisions that have to be made. The first decision, International vs Domestic, leads to twenty additional decisions. If you choose international, some of the decisions are: country, agency, gender, age, medical conditions, sibling groups. If you choose domestic, some of the decisions are: age, agency or foster adopt, gender, race, open or closed, medical conditions, sibling groups.

I felt like I was reading a comic books where  the story was determined by choosing the outcome of a few events early in the story. If you want (blank) to happen, turn to page 46. If you want (blank) to happen, turn to page 96.

Here is how our family went about answering these questions, and please remember, this is not the “right way”.  It is just “our way”.

As the questions began coming up, the only way I knew to respond was to pray and research. I prayed that as I took these small steps of faith, God would direct my path – opening and closing doors as I moved.  On April 22, 2009 I sent an email to a few close friends who had adopted or were in the process of adopting. I started by asking a few questions. They included the following:

• How did you decide international vs state-side adoption?
• If international how did you pick the country?
• If domestic – open or closed and why?
• What agency did you use – good experience or bad?
• How did you finance your adoption?

It was a simple act of faith. I received numerous emails in return, answering many questions. Unfortunately, the major question of, “where is my kid”, didn’t get answered. I had always wanted to adopt from China, but felt guilty for desiring this (the wait was long and it’s quite costly). I began to pray that God would make it clear to me, but even more so, Jason. I hadn’t told him I was sending emails or researching. I wanted him to come to his own conclusion.

So, I continued to gather information and waited for Jason to bring it up. Fast forward to October 2009. We were going out to eat on a rainy Saturday afternoon. ACL was in town, so we steered clear from downtown and went to the Arboretum for lunch. We decided to go to PF Changs. As we slurped our egg drop soup, we reminisced about our summer in Shanghai.

Suddenly, Jason brought up the subject of adoption. I confessed to my months of researching. He laughed. I told him I was struggling with how to find our kid. He answered with boldness, “China, we are adopting a girl from China”. I was surprised / relieved/ nervous. We shook on it (which in our marriage means we agree and it’s time to move). Paperwork started the next week. That was that.

Jason at PF Chang's with his fortune.

In conclusion, if you are considering adoption, my advice is begin praying and taking small steps of faith and God will guide your journey.

“Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.”
- Psalm 25:4-6

The thing is, Satan doesn’t want kids to be adopted, he is going to make it hard and place alot of fear in your hearts. He also wants these children to grow up thinking no one cares, especially their Maker. As hard and scary as it is, as believers, we have to push past that fear and lean into God.

“Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.”
- Genesis 4:6

We must strive to master one of our biggest sins, the thing that will keep us from living our full God-given potential – FEAR .

Next: Choosing an Agency